Thursday, April 3, 2008

Welcome to Wal-Mart

My foray into Sebring's one and only Wally World today was to be a quick one. I needed to return some bacon that was unpalatable. I didn't need to buy anything or look at anything. I just wanted my money back for the supremely salty slabs of sow that had set me back $7.98 and now couldn't be eaten. I was met at the door by the greeter, which has always been one of my many pet peeves. I detest being greeted at Wal-Mart. I'm going to the freaking store and not entering a 5 star hotel! We had a greeter back in Houghton Lake that used to hide behind the counter and leap out at you as you entered the store. The one we have in HL now sits in her little powered wheel chair and shouts 'WELCOME TO WAL-MART HAVE A NICE DAY NOW' to you as you both come in, and leave the store! The greeter today in Sebring was of the usual Wal-Mart greeter ilk, which means not able to gain employment anywhere else, doesn't want employment here, feels she is entitled to the money that I'm paying her as I shop at the stupid store because she was somehow born with only partial brain cells. She must put a sticker on my bacon so it can go into the store. I thought this a relatively easy task even for someone of her low developmental stage. That's what I get for thinking. She mumbled something to me, I'm not sure what but she was definitely looking at me and waiting for a response. I did the only thing I could, I said 'Excuse me?' She came out with 'What did you do? Fart?' and then laughed and slapped her tiny little thigh. Did I mention I'm pretty sure this particular greeter is a midget, or a dwarf, or at the very least definitely vertically challenged? No? Well she is and I did not find the humor in her wee little comment. I said I was returning this, and proffered the package of pork for her perusal. The conversation went like this.
She: Don't you want this?
I said: um no
I thought: Helloooo I said I was returning this! If I wanted it, I'd not be returning it!
She said: Is something wrong with it?
I said: yes
She said: You need me to put a sticker on it.
I said: Yes I know
(Insert the motion here of me holding the bacon out to her looking much like the little kid in the orphanage asking 'please sir, may I have another?')
She said: Did you open it?
I said: Yes
I thought: No, this bacon came individually wrapped in saran in slices of 6 and inserted in a Ziploc freezer bag!
She said: What's wrong with it?
I said: Look, I just need the sticker. They'll ask me all this at customer service.
She said: I really can't remember.... but I do remember that it wasn't pertinent, I just wanted my damn sticker, and she'd pissed off my last nerve.
I said: (while walking into the store without the required sticker no less!) WELCOME TO WAL-MART HAVE A NICE DAY NOW!!'

I'm pretty sure my picture will be on the door with the caption 'Watch for this woman' next time I visit Sebring's one and only Wal-Mart.


Rosanna said...

Now they should have known better than to piss off the Miss Pixie!!! And the shame of it will be that exact same greeter will not have remembered the lesson and will repeat above same mistake and not get what was done.

Daphne said...

I don't think they have greeters in Wal-mart here in Britain, probably because they'd just scowl and mutter "Terrible weather today". On balance I'm glad they don't, if your experience of Brainless Bacon Woman is anything to go by.