Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A wink and a smile

This was my Note From The Universe this morning.

"How about, Debby, next time you go to work, the mall, or a labyrinth, you glide, slide, and twirl a bit? Wink, smile, and wave? Dip, bend, and high-five? Strut, saunter, and beam?

Just a bit?

Teeny, tiny?
The Universe

Or, you could just walk, Debby. "

I know that I'm not your average Joe. I'm OK with that. If I'm in the store, and they just happen to be playing a song I like, I WILL sing along. I tend to break into dance now and then too.

Sometimes you have to just do what makes you happy. Be true to yourself. If people snicker or stare, that's their problem.

I am who I am and I think that's just the way it should be!

If I love you, I love you for exactly who you are. I love all your imperfections and quirks. That's exactly how it should be. If I can't love you just the way you are, I have to move on. I'm not here to change anyone. Life is too short for that! Live and let live. I will say that the people I love make my life so full and rich. I'm smiling right now thinking of all my friends.

I love you all.

Today I intend to dance (not march, sorry HDT I will still always love you) to that beat of a different drummer. If I find someone staring, I'll give them a little wink and maybe a twirl. I could 'just walk', but that is not who I am.

Peace be the journey my friends....

Peace be the journey


Sunday, September 18, 2011

A pile of trash

Most of you know I live in a 55+ community. While I'm on the negative side of 55, many, many of the residents here are well into the plus side. As you might imagine, death is not an uncommon occurrence here.

It was the death of one of our residents last week that has me pondering life in general this afternoon. Her name was Ann. I didn't know her. I've looked at the last 3 picture books that the park has done and she's not in any of them. I don't know if that's because she was very old and couldn't get down to get her picture taken, or if she just didn't have any friends in the park so didn't care.

That's about as far as my pondering would have gone about Ann, if it weren't for a pile of trash. There was a huge mountain of trash out front of her house on Monday. That made me a bit sad. I'm sure Ann thought the things in those bags were treasures. Now, they're trash. Just like that. I think of all the things here in my home that are treasures to me. Bring me joy to look at. Have a story that touches my heart. The day after I die will it all be out at the curb? Probably. That makes me sad too.

I have a horseradish jar full of pennies. Doesn't everyone? Now, when I die, the kids will look at that and wonder what the hell? They'll take the pennies and spend them and toss the jar. They won't know that I've had that jar since May 22, 1982. They won't know that my Mom put every penny in that jar and kept it in the little night stand she had next to the kitchen table. I don't know why. I know that she touched every single one of those pennies though. I know she washed out that horseradish jar to put them in. I've got that jar sitting on my knick knack shelf. I see it every time I dust and I think of my Mom. I've thought of having the pennies melted down and made into something, but somehow, they're just so special in that jar. It makes me smile to look at it. I'll keep it until I die.

I'm sorry, I digress. As usual.

Den is working for the park on the maintenance staff now. He was at work last week when one of the guys brought in this accordion file they found in a pile of trash.

They knew he was a chef and they knew I love to cook, so they gave it to Den to bring home. You see, it was full of recipes.

We started going through it today. Some hand written, some cut out of magazines, some printed out on the computer. We spent hours going through them and only got through the first 2 compartments. I'm convinced they're Ann's. I put some aside that look so wonderful I just have to try. The ones I didn't like, I just couldn't bring myself to throw away. I put them back in their respective slots in the file. For what? I don't know. I just know that she found them special enough to clip and save and I just can't throw them away.

There is writing on a lot of them. A random word 'good', 'this was great', etc. That shows me she actually tried a lot of these. Awesome. One actually made me laugh. It was a typed recipe from a friend I assume. The friend had written 'too spicy, I'd cut out the green chili's'. Ann had made X's all through that line and in her own hand wrote 'She's crazy!'. Freakin awesome! Not only did someone give her that recipe, she tried it. You bet your ass I'll be fixing it. With the chili's of course!

I wish I'd known Ann. I think we'd have gotten along well. I'd like to find a friend of hers. Talk to them, find out about her. A story behind these recipes. I'm looking forward to spending more time with this file.

I hope when I die, and this file is sitting out by the road in the trash pile, that someone like me picks it up. Learns a little bit about me. Wishes they'd known me better....

Peace be the journey


Monday, September 12, 2011


It's found in the strangest places!

John Denver used to sing 'Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy'. Well, it always has me. Until that nasty bitch menopause hit. My joy was gone.

I took down all the drapes in my living room yesterday. They stretched 16 foot across and 10 foot from top to bottom. They were heavy, beige, and drab. There were 6 panels of dirty looking sheers behind them. All gone now. I can't stop smiling looking at that bank of 6 windows now! I really haven't stopped smiling. The windows are FILTHY. I haven't had the blinds open all summer long to keep the heat out. I don't even care that they're filthy!

I'm loving this feeling. It's joy. I've missed it so much. I've actually got a tear.

I'm looking forward to washing the windows to a sparkle.

Even if this joy is fleeting, it's here now. It hasn't been here for a long, long time.

Bring on some more!

Peace be the journey


Thursday, August 11, 2011

My own person

So, sitting here drinking coffee in the quiet morning, thoughts flit randomly through my grey matter. Scary eh?

I will be the first one to tell you I pretty much do what I want with no regard to your feelings on my actions. Oh, I don't want to give the impression that I'm mean, rude, or obnoxious. I mean I befriend who I want, I express my opinions openly for the most part, I don't follow the crowd for the sake of following the crowd. I will tell you I don't care what people think about me.

I just now, in one brief flit of a thought through my mind, have proved myself wrong.

You see, today, I feel like wearing neon pink. I wish I had a sparkly neon pink body suit and a diaphanous pale pink (also sparkly of course) ballerina skirt. Not a tutu, I'm not a tutu kind of girl. I would complete the ensemble with pale pink tennis shoes, you got it sparkly(Yes, my bone spurs even invade my dream outfit).

I would wear my diamond tiara with pink feathers. Yes, I do have one.

I may or may not carry my wand. Yes, I do have one. It has a silver star and long, silver, sparkly streamers hanging from the star. My most excellent friend Mary K. gave me both. I think she knows the inner me better than most.

I toyed with the idea of strapping on wings, diaphanous of course, but that seemed a bit OTT.

Will I deck myself out in this fashion? No. Why not? Because people would think I was nuts. I guess I do care what people think. That really came as a shock to me.

Today at work I'll be wearing my green capris and my white linen shirt.

On the inside? I'm neon pink and sparkly though!

Maybe I'll carry my tiara in my bag.

Peace be the journey.


Saturday, July 30, 2011

Baby souls

I get daily emails from TUT. I highly recommend them.

You never know what the universe will say to me. Some days it's drivel, and some days it's so deep it takes pondering.

I got this one last week and it just resonated with me.

Baby souls follow.

Young souls lead.

But old souls, Debby, are happy to dance alone.

Debby, your wisdom is showing.

Not that I'm spying on you,
The Universe

When I was young, I didn't want to rock the boat. I wanted to go with the crowd. Don't want to stick know??? That was a good stage in my life.

As I got a bit older, college and when my kids were young, I was the leader. I worked on raising my kids, running my home, finding my beliefs and sticking up for them. I wanted people in my group. If I believed in something, I sought out other believers. If I had a cause, I wanted to share it. That was a good stage in my life.

Now that I'm older, and no, I'm not saying I'm older than dirt, over the hill, or any other cliche drivel, I'm merely saying I'm older. Now that I'm older, I am comfortable in my skin.

I'm content to believe strongly in something without the need to seek out other believers. I don't care if you believe what I do. I don't feel the need to stand up for my beliefs or values. I just have them. I don't care if yours don't agree with mine.

If you ask me how I feel about something, where I stand, I will tell you. Without worrying if that's what you feel or think.

I'm past the age of game playing. If that's your bag, you'll have to play without me. I'm fine with that. If I have to cut you loose, I just do. Life is too short to put up with shit.

Negativity? I used to try to cheer you up, change you. Now, it's easier to avoid you. Sorry, you just don't fit in my world and I don't feel the need to change my world to accommodate you. I like to be happy and that's what I wish to surround myself with.

Hypocrite? Puhleez. I'm so over you.

When menopause first hit, and these changes started happening, I didn't like it much. It's getting better. I'm happy with who I am. A few friends say they want the old Debby back. Well, the old Debby gave in a lot. She pushed down her feelings to give way to yours. She wasn't real. Do you really want a fake me? I know I don't.

I'm happy with who I am.

This is a good stage of my life.

Peace be the journey


Monday, May 2, 2011

I Bin thinkin....

Yes, it's really me. I intend to wax religious. If this offends. Quit reading right now.

There is an awful lot of celebrating going on. How do I feel about it?


Oh, yes, I know Bin was a bad Laden. A very bad Bin indeed.

Am I sorry he's dead? No.

Am I glad it was 'us' who got him? Yes.

Here's where it all starts to go south for me. I'm sickened at the joyful attitudes and out and out glee I see on display. By all means go in there, get the bad guy, but do we really need to dance on his grave?

I didn't see an option other than killing him. I really didn't. I just think the joyful celebration is out of place. He was still a man. A human. Albeit a bad one.

Am I proud to be an American? You bet your ass I am. I always have been. I watched the American flag gently sway in the breeze at the space center the other day and it brought a tear to my eye. I am fiercely proud of my country. I have a problem with all the people waving a flag today. Saying they're proud to be an American today. Screw that. They should be proud every day. Not just today. Not just today because the bad guy is dead. Will they be waving that flag next week? Probably not. Will their FaceBook picture be a flag next week? Nope. It irks me to no end to see people do things for show.

My daughter in law & a good friend shared scripture that sums up my feelings exactly.

"I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live." Ezekiel 33:11

We could see 'the wicked' wasn't going to turn from his death it must be. I need not take pleasure in it though. I need not celebrate it.

Proverbs 24:17 ~ "Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice."

There ya go. My feelings in a nutshell. Someone always says it better than me.

May God have mercy on his soul.

It's going to need it.


Sunday, January 23, 2011

Above it all

We went to Myakka State park today with friends.

It was a lovely, sunny day. We began on a large air boat and saw some big gators. I wanted to feed the screaming kid on board to said gators, but I was good and only thought about it.

We left the boat and headed over to the canopy walkway. This was really lovely. The sun was out and even though we walked beneath the trees, there was dappled sunshine here and there. Quiet and lush...just lovely. We got to the rope bridge and Den decided to stay on the ground. The bridge swings as you walk and you're not very far up, but it was still fun. At the end of the bridge is where the steps begin to take you up to the lookout at the top. The rest of the gang had done it before and headed down as I headed up.

I really thought I was higher up than this. 75 feet doesn't seem high, but it sure looked and felt high. It was just awesome up there.

I had the whole top to myself for quite a while. I was able to just look around and enjoy the silence and the sun. I love the feeling of sun on my face. It warms me from the outside in. It's a serene, almost religious thing for me. Kind of like feeling God's warmth in a physical sense. I do love it.

I was looking around and thinking. Looking down at the wild, really untamed land, I began to think of the early inhabitants of this area. I thought to myself that I was seeing things they couldn't see during their time on this earth. I could see over the tops of the trees. I could see there was a lake a way further. They couldn't. It was theirs to still discover. You'll probably even have to enlarge this picture to discover it for yourself! It's there though.

I turned around and could see really a long way as Florida is very flat. I was higher than they ever could have been. I'm pretty sure they didn't build a 75 foot tower to see what was down the road.

So, taking that thinking further, I could, and can, see things they couldn't, but is that really a good thing? They didn't know if there was water through the next stand of trees, but is knowing that really a benefit? They didn't know anything about aids, or cancer, obesity, or many other things we know about now. Does that really benefit us?

I suppose it does. We know that yes, we became obese, but we also know how to fix it. We know that aids exists, and we know how to prevent it. We can't cure it, but we can prevent it. Cancer is a bit trickier. We know about it, there are certain preventative measures sure, but we can't totally prevent it and we can't cure it.

Sometimes I just wonder if all the modern conveniences are a help or a hindrance.

In the end, I don't want to give any of them up. I'm glad I know that alligators will eat you and not have me be the one that found that out first hand. That was thiers to discover.

I wonder what we'll discover next? What is ours to discover?

It's just so easy to let your mind wander way up above the trees. No sounds except the sound of the wind and the gentle call of the birds.

It's easy to let your mind wander when the sun is warming you.

I think I need to do it more often.

I have peace within me.