Saturday, July 10, 2010

Do you know where your Teflon tape is?

This is only for the women. You men, go find something else to do. Yes, even you! I'll wait while you leave the room.

OK girls, NOW, do you know where your Teflon tape is? Do you know WHAT Teflon tape is?

You should.

You should know the difference between a Phillips and a flat head screw and driver.

You should know what a grip wrench is.

You should have your own little stash of washers, screws, nails, and dare I say it? A tool box.

Yes, I know, you have a man. What happens if he's gone and you need something done? OK, so you'll wait until he gets home. What happens if he's off hunting for a week with the guys and your shower head springs a leak? What if the toilet handle breaks? What if the toilet flapper thing quits flapping? What if the doorknob falls off (and if a certain man is still in the room and reading this...shut it. Anyone could have a brain fart about putting a knob on the opposite way!)?

There are a lot of 'what ifs' in life, and with a little bit of knowledge, a bit of preparation, and some practice, you could be prepared.

I've got a man that just happens to not be handy. Oh, he can make a quiche that melts in your mouth, but give him a tool, and he's dangerous. My father was the same way. I learned from necessity and I've always been glad. It's come in handy so many times.

We're trying to fix this house up to move. Sold the washer and dryer and brought the old piece of shit set in from the garage. The plug was wrong for the dryer. Did we have to call a dryer guy? No, I wired in the correct plug. One of the screw holes seemed stripped. Did we call the dryer guy now? No, we (OK I) turned the air blue with curse words...put my freaking glasses on, took a closer look, found the problem and fixed it. Hubby's hands are too big to get the clampy thing on the dryer vent hose to tighten down over the little sticky outey thing at the back of the dryer it needs to clamp to. Ya, I didn't say you had to know the terminology, just know how to fix shit! So, again, air blue, right tools, no dryer guy, and presto, we have a dryer again.

We have hose type shower heads. I don't want to leave them here. Today, I removed the one from the shower we're using in the apartment. I retrieved the regular shower head that I've kept since the shower was installed (another handy tip, save stuff!), and popped it on. Squirted water all over the F'ing place. Now, I'm wet, I'm pissed. Did I call a plumber? No. I took the shower head off, looked at it, and went 'doh, forgot the Teflon tape. Got that, taped the threads, popped the shower head back on and tightened it. Water shot all over the F'ing place. Well shit. Now what? Took the shower head off again, pondered a bit more (which is what I'm best at) and thought hmmmmmm 'You took out the water restrictor (shhhh don't tell the water police). Perhaps if you put a washer in there, it will take up the gap the water restrictor filled before and you could have a tight seal'. So I did. I put the shower head back on, used my Robo Grip to tighten it down. No F'ing water spraying anywhere it shouldn't! I went and did the other shower. Got it on the first try. Perseverance and the right tools.

These are Robo Grips. I highly recommend them.

This is Teflon tape. It costs 79 cents. Spring for a roll. It'll last a lifetime.

While you're picking up the Teflon tape, get some electrical tape, some duct tape(I have hot pink), some WD40, and a good, multi purpose screw driver. I like Stanley. The kind that stores the bits in the end. Everyone should have a bunch of washers in different sizes. Screws are a necessity. I prefer the sharp ones (self tapping) that go into stuff easier. I have all different sizes. I prefer Phillips. I'm in the minority it seems. You need a hammer of course...if you can't fix something, you can beat the shit out of it with your hammer.

Start small. Fix something. Build from there. When you're ready, ask me about my Makita!



Anonymous said...

You're a genius!
Verification: sogli

Katherine said...

Ah. A kindred spirit. Got all that stuff. But I really love my ALLIGATOR Loppers!